So why are you single, he asks...

This was triggered by a convo I had with J and Onya's myspace blog...

So he asks me whats up with me...and more to the point, why I'm single...there could be so MANY answers, but after thinking about it a little bit more, a lot of those answers are connected to him, in some form or fashion...

I'm stealing these from Onya...
-I can be high maintenance and moody without apologies or notice
-He wanted to be THE man instead of A man
-I like to see who he is when the "representative" goes away
-Neither of us wanted to give in first
-He didn't think I was enough
-I knew I was
-He was a coward and left with no notice or explanation
-I technically can't date his friends
-He picked women who didn't expect much
-I wanted and needed him to be a man
-Actions speak louder than words and he was lazy and loquacious
-I keep picking the wrong ones (my friends pointed this one out)
-Even when he was there, he wasn't
-I knew him better than he thought I did and that freaked him out

first of all...ONYA was RIGHT on with these reasons above...and they apply to me and my situation and more specifically... J...

I'm single because every time he comes calling, I'm available, in spite of everything listed above. He has this special place in my heart that grants him "Jordan status" on my squad (forgive the cliche bball analogy, but, its spot on). You see Jordan is the player that can retire but make a comeback at ANY time.

I'm single because I love hard, and fast and fall out of love even harder and faster, except when it came to him. There were others that I was able to just cut out, like it was nothing, just put them on a shelf, never to be seen again. But not J. Even through the years I didn't speak to him, he wasn't far from my thoughts. An innocent conversation about college, the team, the good old days would easily bring him back to the fore front of my mind, and have my mental slightly askew for a week, sometimes longer.

I'm single because I've always known the man he could be, if he stopped putting his "representative" out there. Maybe because I've always known him better than he thought I did and understood him in a way no one else really could.

But the fact of the matter is, he still left and no one else that followed him, was him.