Never Ready 3/21/06

Never Ready

3/21/06

Its been almost two months now

But I still look for you when I walk in the house.

I expect to see you watching wrestling

Or dozing off.

Instead, I see your chair

And its empty.

And so is a place inside my heart.

Without you here it just doesn’t seem right.

Everyone says you are watching over me

And you are always with me.

But if that’s the case

Why do I feel so empty?

Your funeral was on Superbowl Sunday

We should have been watching the game together.

Instead our family was trying to find a way to comfort me

While I pretended I was okay.

I’m still pretending.

As strong as I’ve tried to be

As many times as I’ve tried to say I was ready.

I wasn’t.

And I’m not sure I will ever be.

I sat there and watched you stop breathing.

I wasn’t prepared for that.

I wasn’t prepared to say good bye.