Everyone seems to have a story about the one that got away. And this is mine...with a twist.

We met when he visited my school - he was thinking about transferring there to play ball. I was a junior, and in a relationship. He wasn't the only one that was visiting, but he was the only one I connected with. It was my job to help entertain him and the others, and to make sure they thought our school was the best choice for them. It wasn't particularly exciting, this visit, as I had facilitated a few others over the years I worked for the team. It was just a part of what I did. And it was just work to me, at first.

They were a particularly large group, and we had a few activities planned on the record. Off the record, I made sure there were plenty of social activities on and off campus for them to enjoy. The visit started with a trip out to coach's mini mansion. I was in the car with one of the assistant coaches, the one that got away (lets call him J) and J's mom. At first we didn't say much, but we got to talking on the long ride out to coach's and realized we had a little bit in common. He wasn't as young as i thought - he was transferring from a junior college, so we were actually the same age. Once we got there, we had some snacks, watched the HUGE tv, chit chatted and got the spiel about why my school was right for them. Blah, blah, blah. We left, went back to campus and got ready for dinner.

On the way to dinner he and I were getting to know each other even more and one of the young guys was trying his hand with me, making smart comments and what not. This was not new territory to me...these young guys will try their hand with ANY female who gives them the time of day, they aren't nothing but horny toads. However, J was not having it and put the young boy in check. At first, I didn't think anything of this. But I realized later this was the start of it.

Dinner proceeded without incident and we went on to one of my "unscheduled" activities: a trip to a local bar for some dancing, well placed women and drinks (well at least for me). Everyone was having a good time, I had rounded up some of the campus groupies and were letting things take their course as I sat back and enjoyed some beverages. But there was one strange thing, J sorta was sticking to me - wanting to dance with me, etc. So we were dancing, innocently at first, but things started to get a little heated, to the point I had to remind myself I had a boyfriend (even if he was in New York). Finally I had to say goodnight to J and get some distance. As it turns out, my boyfriend at the time was on his way from New York to see me.

The next morning I left my boyfriend to go see the guys at breakfast and practice. The visit ended after practice and I exchanged information with J and his mom. That was that. I spoke to his mom from time to time but he and I didn't keep in touch over the summer. Fall arrived and we picked up the friendship where it left off. We hung out all the time, he even tried to fix me up with his boy that visited often from NY. But then...

My ex and I were having issues, and we were both doing our thing. My thing just happening to be getting done with J. It started innocently, but we added liquor to the mix, and inevitably what started on the dance floor during his visit ended up in the bed. repeatedly. This was all fine and good for awhile...my ex and I broke up so there was no conflict. J and I weren't together, it was what it was, we were just kickin it and having a good time. But we were still best friends.

No one really knew what was going on between us. One or two people close to us may have suspected it, but they never said anything and I certainly wasn't putting my business out there. Working with the team and being around them all of the time taught me that. I didn't want things to be messy.

We dealt with each other off and on, until his ex girlfriend turned up pregnant. He felt an obligation to make that situation work, so he and I stopped messing around. He was still Clyde to my Bonnie. I actually accepted baby mama with open arms, while remaining FIERCELY protective of J. We still did everything for each other - when the baby was born in the middle of an important tournament, one of my good friends and I were the ones that drove him back 3 hours to make the game after the birth.

In the meantime, I was seeing someone else from the same area J was from (this will prove relevant, momentarily) until I found a new boyfriend (I was big on boyfriends back then, not so much anymore though). J was just as loyal and protective as I was. This boyfriend and I got into an argument and he pushed me. I was upset, called a girlfriend who was on IM with another girlfriend, whose boyfriend was there with her. Boyfriend was close to J, too and called J. J was at my house not 15 minutes after the incident. It was THAT kind of relationship.

And then J found himself in some trouble at school and out of a place to live. I was all set to change everything - let my boyfriend walk away and have J come stay with me so he could stay in the area and in school - and J turned his back on me. J found out about my dealings with that someone else from the same area J was from. He hated him and took it as me being disloyal to him for even dealing with this guy. J is old school, very "death before dishonor" and loyalty first and at the time he couldn't get past it. He moved back to NY and fell off the face of the earth. I would hear from him every now and again, but it was scattered and we certainly weren't Bonnie and Clyde anymore. And then even that stopped.

I would get updates on how he was doing and the like from the other guys, but I hadn't heard from him for about 3 years. Then all of a sudden I was back visiting campus and at the neighborhood spot waiting on a friend and in he walks. It was awkward, and tense. We exchanged a few words, while I prayed my friend would get there QUICKLY and he gave me his contact info. This was two years ago. I never got up the nerve to call him or contact him. I thought our relationship was so splintered that it couldn't be repaired and I was scared to be rejected by him again.

Fast forward to Saturday (yes, 5 days ago). I had a glass of wine or two too many and sent him an errant text message. "what's up". He replied Sunday night. It was normal text banter, how are you and the like. And then last night, my phone rings. Its HIM. (can you hear my heart beating?) We start talking about whats going on with each of us, who we keep up with and that sort of thing. He brings up our relationship situations - neither of us are involved in anything. And then he brings up US. What happened and why and how things were. We both knew we had to stop messing with each other when we did, because we both were dangerously close (c) to catching feelings that we couldn't have. Feelings he says he still thinks about. He mentions our falling out and the fact that he realized I WAS loyal to him - that I didn't know how he felt about the guy until after the fact (I may have been wrong about not owning up to it when i realized his distaste for him, but that's neither here nor there) and I didn't EVER set out to hurt him. That through it all, I'm still the one thinking and worrying about him. Then the question, "So what would you think about us now?". I. Don't. Know. I'm so happy to have him back in my life, to know he's OK. But now, what? There's the twist.

He and I have VERY different backgrounds, and while I was always comfy in my middle class life, he always struggled and lived in places I probably couldn't imagine. And yet we were always "ride or die" (his words not mine). I almost came to BLOWS for/over him on a few occasions. And even now, we are so different but that love, loyalty and protectiveness is back and so strong.

I don't know what my next move is and I don't know what will happen next. I do know that he may have been the one that got away but now I have to decide if he's the one I want to keep.