The Ex Factor

The Ex Factor Current mood: amused
I wrote this awhile ago...but its funny as hell, so I thought I'd share...
The Ex Factor - 3 Babies by 3 Different Women
While in college, I dated a man with a son. I met him when I was in undergrad somewhat randomly. I was at a museum with some friends over the summer, sort of noticed him - he was attractive, and made it a point to find myself around him. Well, we got to talking and exchanged numbers. We spoke on the phone a lot and decided to hang out. Well, we hung out a few times; things were good and we got along very well. Then he announced he had someone he wanted me to meet. Well I found out soon after that he had a toddler.
At first I was skeptical, but he was a good father and the fact that he had ONE son out of wedlock didn't bother me so much, I mean things happen, especially in this day and age. After all, he was a good guy, and he had a lot of positive qualities. He was intelligent, in school and an athlete (well lacrosse, but still.) We were together almost a year and a half and spent time with his son often. There was nothing that really stood out about our relationship at the time – dates, dinner, movies and the like. We did fine for that first nine months and we even lasted a little while in a long distance relationship, when he tried his hand at living in NYC.
Things sorta started to fall apart while he was away and unfortunately, (maybe fortunately, after you read this.) we broke up the day after Valentine's day. Our priorities were clearly not centered in our relationship - I admit I was definitely enjoying college life and wasn't focused on cultivating a lasting relationship with him that might lead to some sort of lifelong commitment. I mean I was 21 years old, and even if at the time I thought it was something real, reality is skewed in the mind of a 21 year old. As things deteriorated in our relationship, we were having STUPID arguments all the time, and it was becoming apparent that it wasn't going to work. As for Valentine's day, I'm not the most sentimental, hallmark holiday type of chick but he failed to recognize the holiday AT ALL, I'm saying not even a card or a happy v day call.
So that was the impetus for the end. Though it did involve me throwing a foreign object at his head because he said something utterly STUPID and ignorant. However, don't fret, Valentine's day wasn't lonely for me as I had a young one in the wings that brought me flowers anyway. And I had moved on by the next week. That was that, a typical college break-up. No big deal. Chalk it up and keep on stepping, right? Forget about each other and go about our lives....yeah well...maybe not. We really didn't keep in touch after the break up at all until he found me out of the blue and called me at my PARENTS' house. This was a little strange, since we didn't actually end things on the most positive of notes, me hurling projectiles at his head and all. I was actually home visiting my parents for the Christmas holiday when he called. We talked, caught up and nothing came of it except that we kept in touch here and there and he served as my ride home from a distant airport a couple of times when I was traveling to and from school.
The break up was far behind us, and it seemed neither of us had those types of feelings for each other anymore, making it pretty easy for us to be friends. Soon after we reconnected, I moved away from the area and he and I lost touch again. These things happen. But thanks to modern technology and the fact that I haven't changed my cell phone number since the start of the 21st century (though i may have to if this ever gets published and he sees this!) he was able to find me again, and when he did BOY was I surprised.
Here's where the title of this little piece of comedy comes into play. It turns out, he has three children. My immediate thought was that he found his way back to his first child's mother and said to myself, "self, isn't it sweet that he and this crazy broad got back together!" Yeah, well not so much. I call her crazy since she did happen to threaten me a few times while he and I were together. I believe I was referred to as "that bitch". She was at the time concerned about me being in her son's life. This will be ironic momentarily.
His first child's mother was not a romantic part of his life at all anymore and they didn't interact other than to share custody of their son. She's a "dancer" and apparently very big in certain strange circles. As a "dancer" she's done well in some reggae/dancehall "competitions". She also apparently doesn't contribute much to her son's financial needs, and the courts can't order her to pay all that much, as most of her "work" is on a cash basis. Did I mention she dates a prominent pharmeceutical engineer in a major metropolitan city too? Do we all see the irony? Ok, good.
So then he found out that he had a second child – well after this second child was born. This child's mother was some fling and apparently something of a loon, since he had full custody and she wasn't in the child's life AT ALL. Interestingly enough, this child was born about 4 months after he and I broke up. You do the math on that one. Think about it for just a minute. Did all of that sink in? Yeah well, that little tidbit didn't occur to me until after he and I spoke about the fine mess he'd made of his life. And the worst part about that (for me, not him) was that I think I remember him telling me about her – this really "cool chick" he met when he was out with his boys. She was cool alright. I was young and clearly naïve but fortunately when he was relaying this little tidbit of information I wasn't bitter and actually laughed at that whole situation. For those of you who are a little slow on the uptake or are not familiar with how pregnancies work, this means he knocked her up WAY before he and I broke up. Oh well, I can let bygones be bygones.
Well soon after baby number two fell into his lap he meets a chick that he loves. Low and behold, she pops up pregnant. Baby number three. Baby mama number three. Apparently being pregnant knocks some sense into this third baby mama, because she starts questioning his faithfulness (you would think two previous baby mamas with their interesting backgrounds would have set off an alarm, but I digress.) She decides to distance herself from him and they have a very strange relationship rooted in her jealousy and his indiscretions.
So there he is - he has full custody of the first two, and shared of the third and is raising three children in his MAMA's house. Oh did I neglect to mention this part? He's also now a football dad, dance mom and pushes a Minivan. Before I go on, I would like to say I do recognize that he is doing what he is supposed to do – caring for his children and doing his best to raise three good kids. There are a lot of men that could learn from him in that respect. Now that you know the story, let's discuss where he went wrong. I am not so full of myself to think that if he stayed with me, he would be better off. Shoot, considering how potent he apparently is, I'm happy to have gotten out relatively unscathed. He of course DID say this, though I'm sure that was his way of trying to get back in with me and not necessarily what he considers the truth. However, the fact that he would think that I would want to get back with him after seeing the fine mess he'd made of his life and the poor choices he'd made in his other "partners" baffled me. What would it say about me, if I rekindled a relationship with a man that has three children, by three women, one of which was conceived while he was supposed to be faithful to me? I think that it would say I was naïve and well, perhaps stupid. Some may say that I was forgiving and strong for giving him another chance. Yeah, well, I'm forgiving, but not THAT forgiving. I'm definitely strong, and definitely strong enough to see that I deserve better. Hmmm. Maybe he did go wrong when he left me behind. I guess we'll never know.
Let's discuss his mindset a little further. At what point do you say to yourself, "self, I think i should strap up and NOT get another broad pregnant." I mean REALLY. There comes a point where you need to stop reproducing, especially with different women that you aren't going to wife up. He never did finish school, since the cost of raising three kids has eaten up any and all of his disposable income. So he's now stuck working a job with limited growth potential and has expenses with unlimited growth potential. He ran up in some chicks that he wasn't serious about in the long term without protection. WHO does that in this day and age? I mean its not the seventies, we all know that AIDS and STD's are REAL. What possesses a man to do that, especially after the first time this type of behavior produces a child out of wedlock. I think this is the part that truly baffles me!
He and I are still friends, though this may change once he finds out I've told you all his life story. I have spoken to him about the fact that he needs to get it together, but it seems he's destined to go back and forth with baby mama number 3. I wish him the best, and who knows, maybe one day the two of them will drive off into the sunset together in that minivan of his with his three (or more) kids.